I’m no stranger to the inner critic. Most of us have one, but in my experience we are not always aware of it. I know I wasn’t for many years. I had no idea what was going on.
I paid attention to the doubting voice in my head that told me not to try new things, and the one that talked me into a spiral of shame if I was in any way less than I thought I should be.
“I let it narrate away completely unchallenged.”
I didn’t know back then that these harsh words were affecting my self-worth and keeping me small, too afraid to fail.
Becoming aware of the inner voice
Today I see many clients who are also struggling with a harsh inner voice which is limiting them in some way.
That could be in how they engage in relationships or impacting their decision making in almost any area of life.
The first step to overcoming this is to become aware of what you are saying to yourself. And that can be quite a shock!
“So often clients tell me they had no idea just how negative they were being with themselves.”
It’s like having someone follow you around all day pointing out your flaws. You’d never do that to a friend so why do it to yourself.
In fact, what we say to ourselves directly influences how we feel and has been found to be one of the leading causes of anxious feelings and low mood.
Shifting the dialogue
Try noticing how you feel when you say something harsh to yourself and then notice how it feels when you acknowledge something you’re proud of. Even something small.
We don’t do nearly enough of that.
Once you are aware, it takes practice to adopt a more compassionate voice. I call it your “compassionate coach”.
“A coach who encourages you not to dwell on perceived failures and instead asks what’s next?”
One who helps you to recognise all that you’ve already accomplished and reminds you that you are a capable human being.
The one that gives you permission to rest and take care of yourself instead of pushing you into doing relentlessly.
The impact of self-compassion
Research shows that this type of inner dialogue changes how we feel and moves us closer to our goals.
When self-compassion is practised, I see clients becoming more confident and accepting of themselves and of others.
“All of which positively impacts many areas of life including relationships.”
It does take practice to adopt a softer, kinder voice and it’s so worth it.
Why not try having a listen to yours today.
If anything here resonates with you and you would like to explore it further, please get in touch here.